Joke Page

- A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.

"That's what I like to see," expressed the priest. "A man helping his fellow man."

As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "The Father sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing, does he!"

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- A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.

"Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!"

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- Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. As she gasped and gagged, one Texan turned to the other and said, "That gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."

The Texan ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"

Gasping, she acknowledged that she couldn't swallow. Then, the Texan asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she motioned that she couldn't breathe. With that, the Texan yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and licked her butt. The young woman was so shocked and humiliated that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began breathing on her own.

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneouver always works!"

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- A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma.

When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!" The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."

"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"

The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."

"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"

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- A man went to the market this last week to buy Valentine's Day cards for his daughter and mother. The thousands of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses."

The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods."

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- A Herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo and, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills off brain cells. Naturally, the alcohol attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. As a result, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine....

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	Spoonbeater.Com Spoonbeater's Joke Page - A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. "That's what I like to see," expressed the priest. "A man helping his fellow man." As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "The Father sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing, does he!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces. "Well, sir, do you have grounds?" asked the lawyer. "Yep. I have me about 150 acres." "No, I mean do you have a case?" asked the lawyer. "Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere." "Well, does she beat you up?" asked the lawyer. "Nah, we both get up at 5:30." "Well, is she a nagger?" asked the lawyer. "Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. As she gasped and gagged, one Texan turned to the other and said, "That gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." The Texan ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she acknowledged that she couldn't swallow. Then, the Texan asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she motioned that she couldn't breathe. With that, the Texan yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and licked her butt. The young woman was so shocked and humiliated that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began breathing on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneouver always works!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!" The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you." "Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!" The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise." "Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?" The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A man went to the market this last week to buy Valentine's Day cards for his daughter and mother. The thousands of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses." The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods." "Really?" "Yes sir. They're called bullets." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - A Herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo and, when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills off brain cells. Naturally, the alcohol attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. As a result, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spoonbeater